apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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