One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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