So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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