I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
