Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
