she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
