Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
