last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
