my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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