East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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