Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
