you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
