If that was your dad, he is hot
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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