I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
