Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
