he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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