you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
