She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
