u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
