i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
