Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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