Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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