ya dads aren't the best wingmen
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
