I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The air was thick with penises
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
