Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
