i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
