Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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