he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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