pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
