you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
