Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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