I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
