Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
