We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
