I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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