Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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