I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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