We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
