Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
