The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
