moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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