I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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