I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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