The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
