You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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