i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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