WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
