I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
