I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
