yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
